When I Grow Up........

I am 48 years old and proud to admit it. I am not ashamed of my grey hair and my facial wrinkles because most of them have come from laughing--- alot. My children tell me that when we are out somewhere and they lose track of me, they just stand and wait a few minutes....... They know that it won't be long before they will hear my loud, distinctive laugh and find me. I am glad that they will remember this about me as well as my bad temper and strict parenting when I am dead and gone! LOL!! 

I am reaching a point where I have to make some decisions about just what it is I want to be when I grow up--- if I ever do REALLY grow up...... I have been invited by some friends to enter a business venture. Yesterday, we had a meeting with a consulting group. I thought the meeting would only last a couple of hours and then I would be back on farm to get my laundry list of chores done. It didn't work out that way. I was gone until about 4:00pm and I had the most wonderful time! The ladies were brilliant, beautiful and articulate. I felt perfectly dowdy but I enjoyed their coversation and company immensely. They had a so much business and practical insight and I thoroughly excersized many of my dormant brain cells just keeping up with them!

Here is my quandry: Do I really want to do this? I can't go into specifics but it would be a career for me--off the farm.  I love this life that I am so fortunate to have. I still have one child left at home that needs schooling on a regular basis. We have a dream that we are building on this farm--- not just Neil and I but our children as well. If I do this, it will slow the dream down but provide a much needed income to get things paid for and moving along at a more comfortable pace. I budget to the bone to make this all happen and it wears me out mentally and emotionally. On the other hand, there are many, many things more important that money. I have invested myself in this family and raising my children and I do not regret one nanosecond of it----- unless they have clogged the garbage disposal with a dishcloth and set the back yard on fire like happened one day last week......  This is an opportunity to branch out into something that I have always wanted to do----in a really big way. 

I am 48 years old. My father died at 48. I have my health/weight issues but I think I am going to hang around a good while longer. Losing my dad changed my whole way of living...... I look at success and failure differently than most people and I tend to go with my heart on decisions more than cold hard facts. Often it costs me dearly but I have a peace about those losses.

So, I believe that I will just wait and pray diligently for this to unfold itself. In our family we have faced many interesting decisions and we have a prayer that we generally stick to in these kinds of situations: "Lord, what ever you want us to do, it does not have to be easy but it does need to be obvious---- because we are not too bright."

Now, I have to get busy on the chore list left over from yesterday. Hay lot for the horses and that dang deer is still hanging in the garage.......